I’m on a rollercoaster ride but not the fun kind.

My moods are out of this world lately. I’m rapid cycling like crazy. I’ll be super depressed, can’t get out of bed, thinking terrible thoughts for a couple of days and then I’ll wake up and I’ve only had 3 hours of sleep, I’m hyper and alert, I’m cleaning, I’m leaving the house and getting things done. I’m awake at 4am right now because even though my body felt ill today my mind was zapping its way around everywhere. I have things to do today so I can’t sleep all day. I’ll be running on caffeine and curse words.

I don’t know how to get this under control. We’ve adjusted my anti-depressant. Is this something we would adjust my mood stabilizer for? I think a call to the psychiatrist is in order.

I’m trying to pull myself out of a year+ of disordered eating. It’s HARD. My body is fighting it. When I eat my stomach starts to hurt and I start to sweat. My stomach isn’t used to having this much food. Sometimes I can’t tell if the pains are hunger pains or pains from the food upsetting my stomach. I’m not sure exactly how I’m supposed to go about this. Right now I’m just trying to make myself eat at least three times a day. Any time my stomach makes grumbly noises I try to eat. I don’t know if it means I’m hungry but that’s what I’m going with.

I’m having problems with the space where I had a tooth pulled. I think it’s swollen and it’s still sore. I go to the dentist Thursday. I imagine she’ll give me antibiotics. I’ve got probiotics but she might as well give me diflucan as well.

I made a rule where the girls can only have 2 hours of screen time a day. That includes tv, computer, and iPad. It doesn’t include homework on the computer, reading books on the kindle app, or using the websites the teacher sent home to practice math and reading skills. They also can do things to earn more time. Taking out the trash, cleaning litter boxes, sweeping, folding their clothes, etc. I’m going to have them being productive members of this household who can cook and clean if it kills me.

I spend a ton of time on the Internet and Facebook is usually my #1 place to go but lately all it is, is politics and I’m so burnt out! 😕. I’ve started spending a bunch of time on Pinterest, pinning pins I’ll never do, just to get away from it. Don’t get me wrong, I too am worried about where my nation is headed but it’s 24/7 in your face every other article and I can’t breathe anymore.

Pinterest though, beautiful crochet patterns, shoes!, clothes, funny pictures, anything I could want. It’s like eye bleach. Which is also a site but I’ve never been there. I’ve been thinking about making myself crack down on my crochet and start trying to sell it. People were interested in my animals I made. If I made more I think they’d buy them and they only take about a week. I can make messy bun hats. I’m going to finish this broomstick lace infinity scarf.

Ok, you’ve convinced me. My new rule is 2 hours every night dedicated to crochet. First I have to finish Samantha’s blanket. I’ve been working on it for months and it’s not even half done. Maybe whip up a couple messy bun hats in the meantime. Then start the animals.

I’ll have to think about it a little. I’ve certainly got the yarn for it.

It’s 4:30am. Looks like I’m pulling an all nighter! Sister has an orthodontist appointment today and my oldest has therapy. Caffeine and curse words, folks. 😉


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